THE LORD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS....OR MERELY A BLASPHEMOUS STORY

Okay. Deep breath. Here it goes. My mom is out of town. I just can't stop myself. I am about to post what I think is one of the funniest stories I have ever heard. Hopefully those of you who are not family members can be open-minded and share our warped sense of humor on this one.

Let me begin by saying that I don't really have my mother's permission to post this. I am going with the "better to ask for forgiveness than permission" motto on this one! But she did share it with all of her children..... But my dad (who has a part in this story) had no problem with me "blogging" it (hmmmmm....does my dad even know what a blog is?) As you read this story you will laugh that he has no problem with it....

Here goes.....

Okay, by way of background, those of you who know my mother know she is the sweetest and most spiritual person I have ever met. She has a very simple faith in all spiritual matters and because of this her prayers are always answered. I mean always. We joke that she has a "red phone" to the Lord. (told you we are a slightly blasphemous family).

So here's what happened:

On the Saturday before Christmas my mother always makes a fancy breakfast for all of her daughters. We meet there about 9 in the morning and she serves a fabulous breakfast. (Told you she is the sweetest ever!) We then separate and head out to do our last minute Christmas stuff.

The night before My mom was up late getting the breakfast ready but wanted to get up by 7:00 a.m. for more preparation. My dad had been working hard that week and she did not want to wake him up and wanted him to be able to sleep. The problem was that she does not have her own alarm clock. She just gets up with my dad's alarm the rest of the week. So, she had a dilemma.

But...... really not a dilemma for her. She just said a prayer that she would wake up by 7:00 and went into a deep sleep for the night. (nothing to worry about when you have a red phone, right). She was awakened by the LOUDEST and LONGEST noise she had ever heard! She then realized that it was a gargantuan FART coming from my Dad! It was loud enough to wake her from a dead sleep but he was still snoring away...... Sure enough, she looked at the clock. You guessed it. It was 7:00.

Saved by a Turtleneck!

Jim has an old truck with no airbags. Occasionally he lets the kids ride in the front seat. Well, the other day Seth wanted to ride in the front seat of the van. Jim explained that he could not because of the air bags.

Seth wanted to know exactly what would happen if the airbag deployed. Jim explained that the force would break his neck and kill him.....(we go for graphic violence around here to prove our points).

Seth said to Jim: "Can't I just wear a turtleneck when I ride in the front seat?" Very perceptive!

On the Bright Side!

Okay, so yesterday I went to an N.A.E.T. specialist. I won't bore you with the details, but it is a form of alternate medicine that uses muscle response testing to find out what is wrong with you.....and when you deal with something as annoying as Fibromyalgia you must be open to these things. He came highly recommended by my dear friend. She calls him her "voo-doo doctor". Anyway, I got in on a half price deal so I went.

The bad news is that I have lots of things that my body does not tolerate, or I am "allergic" to. Some of these items (among a very long list that I won't bore you with) are things like corn, eggs, gluten, wheat, all sugars, some fruits, perfumes, chemicals, etc. etc.

As he was testing along he commented that my body was okay with "caffiene" and later "artificial sweeteners". I then told him I was glad because I love Diet coke. Well, let's test you for that, he said. Guess what? My body loves Diet Coke. hee hee. Enough of that basic staff of life stuff, Diet Coke is what my body loves! He felt he needed to clarify for me...."it is still poison-just a poison that your body doesn't seem to mind." I am still laughing. I went and had a big old one after the appt.

Once There Was a Snowman......And I have a Snowman brain

Every year when I get out my Christmas decorations, I enjoy my snowmen the most. In fact, when I pack away my Christmas decorations, I leave my snowmen out through January. Last year I pared down my decorations to simplify.

Well, it was a crazy busy Christmas season. When I packed it all up my house seemed bare. I only packed away the snowman that were Christmas related. But alas, no cute snowmen were left to leave out!!! Did I imagine them? Did I just THINK that I had cute snowmen? Or did I really get rid of them?

I then went to BUNKO and saw my snowman friend Melissa's cute house and all of her snowmen. Since we have been friends for so long and both like snowmen we are bound to have a few duplicates. I started recognizing my missing snowmen friends! I came home and woke up Jim.

Poor Jim......"Honey........there's got to be another box downstairs! We missed a box that was not with the Christmas decorations" My snowmen are MISSING!". He had a vague recollection of a box he did not recognize in the storage room - not with the Christmas stuff. Lo and behold, I went through the storage room tonight and there was indeed a very large box of my snowmen friends. So.....sorry to all but out they must come. And since it is January 10th they will just have to stay out THROUGH FEBRUARY AT LEAST!

So if you come to my house and see what you think are Christmas decorations, you are quite mistaken. They are merely my "WINTER" decorations that were so carelessly forgotten.